Soon, I'll be starting my senior year in high school. As I'm getting closer and closer to going back, I'm trying sort out my feelings. On one hand, I'm really looking forward to seeing all my friends, having fun in class, doing homework together, talking about how crazy Tom Cruise is, and all the other things that don't happen during summer. On the other hand, I've realized that this is my last chance to come out to a lot of people. I hate the thought of knowing all these people, graduating, then all of us separating and going to college, and to have them not know "officially" that I'm gay.
I know some people would say that it's my business and that the majority of the people already suspect. I would agree, it is my business. But I want to tell them on my terms. People having a suspicion isn't enough for me. Whether I like it or not, I feel like I have to justify to people why I didn't have girlfriends or why I didn't go to parties or why I dressed the way I did or talked about the things that I talked about or never expressed ANY interest in sports.
Emotionally, I'm not sure how hard it's gonna be, I still haven't dealt with the parents, but I have a feeling that the actual, technical, physical act of coming out at my school would be easy. My school LIVES on gossip, so I could tell one person, and I kid you not, everyone would know by the end of the day - not an exaggeration. Also, since I'm sure everyone suspects, they wouldn't need convincing.
Okay, now I'll try to end on a happier note. The other day I had senior pictures, which until I got my little postcard, I didn't know happened in the summer. So the other day I go to school - very weird to be there after months of not being there - and I go to the gym area where they're taking them. Someone tell me if I shouldn't be surprised, but I couldn't believe what a production it was. You can take up to 5 different photos:
School ID picture - just normal sit down, in front of gray background
Casual - in front of fake lockers, fake brickwork, and fake archways
Closeup - leaning over velvet board
Formal - white bib fake shirt thing + bowtie + shabby jacket = tux
Environmental - standing next to trees, looking over a wooden bridge
I am so not into preserving and remembering my school experience. I never got a class ring, even after my entire grade got pulled out of class for an hour and half so we could listen to how our school experience was incomplete without something to remember it by. So how can you remember your high school experience? Buy a cheap metal ring with fake stones in it! You can personalize it! With your initials! Look, watch this video about how we make our rings and how only our rings will be cool to wear!
So when I looked over and saw people leaning across this shitty piece of velvet covered plywood - and I had other places to be - I said "hell no," and skipped #3. I got through all the pictures pretty quickly. I do theater a lot and I've done tons of archive shoots where you're posed and asked to do things - like a model. And also, most of the time, the school photographers are asking kids to stop doing gang signs and gangsta' poses in their tux.
Hey nice segue, Ace.
So I'm getting my tux pictures taken in various poses. The women, who was actually very nice, had me doing the "over the shoulder" shot where I turn my body away from the camera, but turn my head back and smile that little smirk. She's taken a couple pictures of me in that pose when she says "Turn your head back farther, like your saying 'Hi' to the girls," - I literally burst out laughing. It was bad. I made a bit of a scene, laughing at the complete irony of it all.